No no, dont worry. Its not going to be a class on how to be a good friend. or even worse, how to make friends. If you want to learn that then you better google it. Though I personally feel, just being the best version of youself will help you more than google. But ok, its matter of choice, I leave it to you.
So ya, this blog is not about that. Its about my personal musings. I am a person with a philosophical bent of mind. I am always looking for 'tatwa', the kind who will derive a life lesson over a seemingly routine occurence. As the year ends, I am trying to make a gist of all the new lessons I have learnt this year..I have a lot of time right now and there have been a lot of them. Career Lessons, Relationship lessons, Lifestyle lessons. U can say 2015 was a truly learning experience hahaha. But , even though friendship day is long over, all I feel like talking about today are my lessons on friendship. And thats what I plan to do with this article. But you know how life is. You think you are doing something routine, following your plan, when something extraordinary happens. Aah never mind, we will come to that later ;)
U know, yesterday, the 16th of December was my very dear friend Vera's birthday. Yesterday I also saw this amazing film called 'Bangalore Days'. Its a Malayalam movie about 3 cousins who are also the best most amazing set of friends. Its funny how in all these friendship stories, the characters involved are either childhood friends or school friends or college friends. Thats it. Its as if uske baad to friends bante hi nahi. Its also true to a certain extent. Children dont judge and children let go. The top two signs of being a true friend !
Since I am a chess player - the college thing doesnt really apply to me. I would say the college equivalent in a sportsperson's life are his junior years. So that would mean all the good friends are made in the 1st 20 years of your life and if u managed to make a few after that then Bro, you must be really good at pretending to be a nice person ! Its not like I havent made any good friends after my junior years. For eg, Vera - we met only last year, but then thats the thing about having a soul sister. You recognise her whether u r 8 or 80. In the movie, the 3 of them - Kuttan, Arjun and Divya - grow up in the same village, go to the same school and spend summer holidays at their ancestral house every year. Now they are all grown up and dont meet so often - but destiny brings all 3 of them to Bangalore. And thats it - Happiness. The way their face lights up when they are together - thats a one of a kind feeling. U dont feel this way with everybody. U might not ever feel this way with anybody, and that would also be completely normal. Luckily I can relate to this feeling completely. Last year I was on my way to Kalyani Nagar for World Junior's Commentary. It was my 2nd day and I was really excited and nervous at the same time. I was passing through FC road when I suddenly spotted my friend Sneha on the road. Now Sneha and me are friends since we were 10. We have gone to the same school, been in the same class, same division, same tutions, same colony, same college. More importantly she also used to play chess so we have played the same tournaments and stayed together at many of them. When I saw her across the road I stuck my head out of the running auto, called out to her at the top my voice, and amidst all that traffic she heard me. Just those 2 mins with a friend left me feeling so happy and relaxed about my day ahead - even though we dint talk about my day at all.
Kuttan is a 'good boy' IT professional who would ideally like to go back to his village and live a life as simple as possible, Divya is a class topper who keeps her dreams of going for MBA at IIM aside and agrees for an arranged marriage instead - deciding upon it in just 1 meeting because 'he seems nice' - and Arjun is the quintessential Vagabond who has his own set of issues stopping him from becoming what he really wants to be. But the way these characters approach their problems is truly awesome ! They have an amazing spirit, they are kind, understanding, not so dumb and driven ! One more important point is - they dont have any other friends ! Frankly, I dont think they even tried to make new ones.
A couple of months back, I called up one of my old friends in exasperation : "Eeshu I am done. I am done making new friends. I dont want to meet any new people and dont want to make any new friends. I am happy with my limited friend circle and I dont want to broaden my world now." Her reply was so wise, and so clear that it made me feel happy about my life decisions once again :
" Soumya, luckily we made friends with some really good people in our childhood and so if we want to stop making new ones now, I think we can afford to do so. "
Frankly this is all I wanted to talk about in this blog. Then I suddenly remembered that I had been pondering over something similar at the beginning of this year too..I remember I had even written a post about it but decided not to post it immediately as it felt a bit incomplete back then..So today I went back to that post and re-read it. Here is the 1st post , which now forms the continuation of my present article :)
"Today I read an old report on chessbase. It was a 2005 report about a chess tournament in Harlem, in which Ex Women's World Champion Nona Gaprindashvili also participated. Nona is Georgian and was Women's World Champion for 17 years (!!). She is a living legend you could say.
What struck me was a photograph of Nona walking dejected after a loss in the 7th round. Her friend Käty van der Mije-Nicolau, who was also in World Top 10 for a long time & lives in the Netherlands now, was walking beside her . She has her arm around her and can be seen consoling Nona. Katy & Nona have been friends since 1961. Katy would come to the hall everyday to cheer for Nona. Nona won the tournament. At the age of 64.
I was amazed ! 1st of all this woman still felt like playing competitive chess at 64. & her friend understood what it meant to her. I thought when I am 64 will I still be able to play chess ? Moreover will I have a friend who understands what it means to me even then ?
I feel whatever life we chose for ourselves, we should try and make atleast 1 friend who will do that for us - be there for us, encourage us, believe in our dreams, and fill our heart with gratitude for having him/her in our lives. No matter how old we get. or they get. & for whom we would do the same. "
So you see, my earlier incomplete post helped me complete my present day post..wonderful how life works out sometimes ! But thats not the most incredible part. The most incredible part was the date on the earlier post - It read 16th December 2014 ! Happy Birthday Vera ! :) <3<3<3
& Dont forget to Dance !
( Sorry I am a bit late, my watch is exactly 1 day slow )
